Learn from your relationships
Relationships are an amazing way to get to know ourselves! They are part of our everyday life and play a great role in our spiritual and healing journey.
We are meant to be in partnership with others and we all have the opportunity to utilize our partnerships to grow and learn. But how? Keep reading!!
The Divine mirror
Our partners are reflecting our own beliefs and energy and simultaneously we are mirroring theirs. This mirroring effect that happens when we are in a relationship is there to teach us about ourselves so that we can start to take the finger off one another and bless that relationship. You can take it as an opportunity to observe the parts of yourself that are reactive.
This process of the mirror effect is happening all the time. When we have poor relationships we feel lost, and tired. We often try to find approval in others. This happens because we have not found our true identity within ourselves, so we are looking for that truth in others.
Where are your feelings coming from?
It is common that when we are in a relationship, all kinds of insecurities that were already within us begin to rise up. All these insecurities, this needy energy, limiting and irrational thoughts that are inside us need to be let go off.
When this happens, the relationship starts to feel heavy. We might think that this person in front of us is trying to hurt us or cause us pain, but instead, this is an opportunity for learning, for getting to know ourselves and ask ourselves: where our feelings are coming from? Is it from past wounds? Is it from insecurities? Is it something that we can fix ourselves, instead of blaming the other person.
Look within yourself
Healthy and thriving relationships are possible for all of us, but to get there is to begin to take the finger off one another and look within ourselves.
Sometimes you can find this energy going on inside you that raises when you spend time with your partner. But instead of being angry about it, you can be grateful for this person who is helping you see more of yourself, more of what is going on within you, and more of your true-self so you can let go of all of that.
“Who am I? Who is my divine soul self?” When we find this divine mirror and start to utilize it, we have the opportunity to grow more and start answering these questions.
Give and receive love from the heart
What is to love from the heart?
To love from the heart means that there is this deep, receptive, kind, compassionate, loving energy of listening to another and not try to change them or fix them. This love is already okay, there is no need to seek to control. It’s all about loving another genuinely and authentically and let the other be exactly who they are.
All of us could get to learn the way of the heart. The way of the heart is the way we find peace within our being. Love within our heart that is soothing, gentle, and kind. The more that we love this way ourselves, the more that we are open to having someone come into our lives who love themselves and others this way.
Have the courage to say NO to the ego!
Any kind of fears, judgments, any shaming, blaming, that is not the way of the heart.
The ego way of love is very needy, very control and safety-seeking. Therefore, it’s constantly trying to avoid its feelings of abandonment.
Some people ask me “how do I know if I am loving from the heart?”. Well, these are some of the clues: the heart doesn’t point fingers, the heart is wise and when it feels that there is pain that is coming up, it does not project it on to another. It lets the pain come up and move through.
The way of the heart is the way to love.
It is within your sacred heart that you will find freedom. You will find compassion and understanding, there will be no judgment, no suffering, just genuine love from the heart.
It is a beautiful gift to begin to learn how to love in this way.
It is not selfish to love yourself first
How self-loving have you been?
I am sure that you have heard before that you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first.
How self-loving have you been in your life? It is really important to have some education about self-love and understand the difference between that and being selfish.
Are you self-caring and self-nurturing to yourself? Do you feel like you are constantly giving and caring for others but not for yourself?
Hold yourself in the sacred space of consistent love.
When we learn equal giving and receiving within ourselves, it is when we truly learn how to give and receive love freely. Seeing yourself, listening to yourself, not waiting for others to see you, is a beautiful act of holding yourself in the sacred space of consistent love.
However, when we are trying to control the other person, their actions, their thoughts, when we are looking for their constant approval, then we are being selfish.
Forgive yourself
You might have something in your life that you can’t forgive yourself about, and is stopping you from self-love. The soul and the heart have already forgiven you, but have you? Has your ego forgiven you? You will wait forever for the ego to forgive as it is not capable of forgiveness.
If you are waiting for someone to forgive you, you could be waiting your whole life.
But you can always forgive yourself, right this moment. Stop the constant self-judging and blaming and forgive yourself. What’s stopping you?
Daily Self-loving Practice
There are many ways of being self-loving. The practice of breathing itself is self-loving. Here is a daily practice that won’t take much time but will definitely help you:
Everyday set an alarm for every two or three hours to remind yourself to take a few deep breaths. Spend these few seconds breathing and loving yourself, checking in with yourself.
Practice placing your hands over your heart and saying out loud and as best you can from your heart your name: “I’m here for you. I see you, and I love you.”
Remember to stop and re-connect
It is important to stop a few times a day and take a few seconds to re-connect with yourself, to become more conscious of what’s going on.
When we are unconscious, flow is not happening, but stress. That’s why I encourage you to take this journey with me and become more self-loving, self-nurturing, self-caring. That is not selfishness!
Keep Learning!
If you enjoyed this article and would like to learn more, check out these two audio messages I recorded about the same topic. They also include a breathing practice at the beginning!!
https://raganthomson.com/self-love-is-self-nurturing-not-selfish/
https://raganthomson.com/your-relationship-with-yourself-mirrors-your-relationship-with-others/
