Did you know that when you blame another person you deny true internal healing?
Did you know that no one has the power to hurt you unless you let them?
Blaming is a very common device for trying to feel better.
Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself.
Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground.
Be brave today and stop the blame game. The sooner you do, the sooner your life can move forward!
Liberate Yourself From the Blame Game
Did you enjoy this weeks free audio message from Ragan Thomson? If you did, please join us at one of our upcoming events and follow us to stay up to date .
Below is an edited transcript for all of our bibliophiles and hearing impaired community members. We hope you enjoy!
RAGAN: Hello, hello, hello everyone. This is Ragan Thomson. Hi. How are you? I am currently in a place that I greatly love right now. I’m in a place that is very nurturing to my spirit and soul in Hawaii. I am feeling this tremendous amount of light come through me. So, I’m very excited to do this work with you today on this audio.
RAGAN: I’m just really prepared to bring-forth the topic that I feel like is very important today. Before I bring the topic forward, let’s take some deep breaths please, if you will. Breathe with me please. You can sit down, close your eyes, or you can walk and just do this breathwork. It’s easy to practice, and it just helps centers and grounds us for our time together.
RAGAN: So, let’s start by taking our first breath. I’m going to count to three, take a deep breath deeply into your body, right in through your nose, out through your mouth. While on this end breath, please internally speak to yourself, receiving God. As you’re doing the out breath, you’re saying giving God. Okay? So it’s this practice of just realizing anything and everything is God. You are God.
RAGAN: Everything is God. Our breath is God, and it is a gift to breathe because we are God, and a body getting to have this incredible human experience, which I’m telling you, I know for a fact, there are many, many souls right now waiting in line to get on this planet. So you being here is a gift. You signed up for it, and you made your way into this life. So let’s celebrate that right now.
RAGAN: I know life is not always easy. It’s not always a bed of roses. So let’s see what we can do to work with something that might be going in your life right now today that could be helpful to begin to shift it, change it, and as well, let it go. Okay? So, we’re going to do the breathwork first. So breathwork it is. Here we go. On our first breath right now, one, two, and three. Breathing in God, receiving, giving God. One, two, three, receiving God and giving God. I’m going to do three more. One, two, three. Receiving God, giving God. One, two, three. Receiving God, and giving God. Once more, really take a deep breath. Receiving God, giving God.
RAGAN: Excellent. Now, just moving into a normal deeper breath, rhythmic breath, letting the breath just help you relax even more into your body, calming your spirit, preparing to move into topic together around. Well, the topic is are you ready to stop the blame game? Oh my goodness. How many of you out there are still blaming yourself or someone else and your life? Before we get started with the topic, I want to ask you a few questions, and I want you to just think about them, okay? Just be with them. It’s just three questions.
RAGAN: Okay? All right, so what is my responsibility in this situation with this person or myself that I’m blaming? It’s either it’s your creation, how you receive the pain, your response, or participation in it. These are the different elements to think about that. So what is your responsibility in this situation that you’re thinking of right now that you might be blaming yourself or someone else?
RAGAN: Okay, so it could be about its creation, or how you received the pain, or your response participation in it, just to be clear with that question. Number two, is there something in what the other person did or said that needs to be addressed, apologize for, explained, forgiven, or understood? Does the situation need to be withdrawn from, okay, that’s the second question. What is the story you are telling yourself in this situation or the meaning you are making of it about what the other person did or said? Okay, what’s that story?
RAGAN: These are very powerful questions. So, I’d like you to take a minute. I’m going to go ahead and repeat them again. I want you to answer them quietly within. What is my responsibility in this situation? Either it’s in its creation, perhaps how you received the pain, or perhaps even your response, or participation in it. Second question, is there something in what the other person did or said that needs to be addressed, apologize for explained, forgiven, or understood? Does this situation need to be withdrawn from? What is the story you are telling yourself or the meaning you’re making about what the other person did or said?
RAGAN: So often, I see people upset about what they think someone’s words or behaviors meant rather than the actual behavior or words. Have you ever noticed that? For instance, he didn’t call when we got off work. He didn’t call when I got off, when he got off work, so he must not care about me. Right? Like, he didn’t call me. Instead, we stop to take responsibility for the story. We realize that what the other person did or said may not actually equal to our belief about it. Right? It doesn’t equal to our belief about it. It’s not even real. It’s not even a story that’s real. So we create these stories that are blaming and they point fingers at someone.
RAGAN: Meanwhile, the story may be completely different. So regardless of whatever you discover from this inquiry that we just did through these questions, I want to see if you can just allow yourself to look at the whole situation through the lens of responsibility and creativity, like something completely different possibly you’ve been doing before. This state of mind will allow you to see solutions to your situation that may take the blindness, a blame off the table, which would be amazing and instead see the truth.
RAGAN: Absolutely, there is so often this tendency to blame because the ego loves to blame. In fact, the ego is a, let me just explain for those who are unaware of what the ego really is. It’s basically a mechanism. The positive way of saying it is it’s a mechanism to help, I think empower us over time because it’s like a game where inside some matrix, if you will, learning how to navigate through, and it’s helping us learn our lessons, whether it knows that or not.
RAGAN: For many of us, we’re letting the game swallow us up. So, we’re meant to be on top of what’s going on with the ego, and its stories, and its blaming, and all this stuff that it does, right? So often we’re not. We’re just letting things slide. So one of the ways that we suffer in this life is by blaming, really saying that this world is happening to us. We’re not creating it. We have no hand in the creation. This is all just happening to us.
RAGAN: Another story I heard recently was from someone saying, “Listen, it’s not my fault that this person in my life is miserable and sends me these really awful intentionally hurtful text and emails at times.” I’m just left to think, “Wow, I guess you’re just trying to hurt me and I’m the victim here.” So, right, the victim game. Let’s just stop this, because let me tell you, the only way that person could hurt that person is by allowing those darts, that negativity to come in. There has to be a point of attraction where it literally has a place to land, but if there’s no place to land that person cannot hurt you.
RAGAN: We choose our moment, from moment to moment, we choose how we want to feel and what we decide to be hurt by. Literally, no one has the power to hurt you. So we got to take personal responsibility here and say to ourselves, “Okay listen, I understand this person’s been sending me these hurtful messages, or text, or in fact, we can even go even deeper here about something most of us have felt with a lack of possible conscious parenting in this life.”
RAGAN: My parents did this to me. My mom did this to me. My Dad did this me. This is why I am the way I am. Okay, not to say that you haven’t picked up some dynamics, or possibly even some patterning insecurities from your parents along the way, but blaming them? Let me tell you something that does. It basically solidifies the pain. It’s like the pain is so great, and this story is so big that you’ll never be able to free yourself.
RAGAN: Look at my life now. I blame you mom and dad for my life. Look what’s happening to me. I’m not in a relationship with someone that I love. My money is low, and my insecurity is low, and I blame you for that. Okay so yes, we wish they could have been more conscious. Absolutely. I hear you. I understand. As soon as we take the blame off of them, we can actually really heal what’s going on inside of ourselves.
RAGAN: They did the best they could. They really did. If it was just some part of you, or it was just not good at all, then again, that was the best they could do. I guarantee their parents did it to them, and their parents did it to them, and their parents did to them, and then on down the line. So what can happen here, which is super cool and empowering is you get to change that line.
RAGAN: Perhaps as a human being, as a parent, if you are one or as a friend, however they were, you get to do it differently. You could just show up more consciously, more kind, more loving, more secure, and change that line that’s going on in your family with this blaming and shaming possibly, or whatever else is going on and judgment. Whatever’s going on inside your family dynamics, you can stop that.
RAGAN: Is it easy? No, it’s not easy. I’ve been stopping that in my family for many years. It’s being the trailblazer as they call it, but you can do it. You can do it. You can stop doing whatever these behaviors are today and change the story. My parents did the best they could. I’m doing the best I can with the information that I received, and the circumstances I was given. I forgive them. I forgive myself. Gosh, it’s that not important, right? The forgiveness. So key.
RAGAN: Yeah, I’m not saying you’re there today, but could you be inspired today by maybe moving towards forgiveness of them and just letting it go, and stop blaming? The only person you’re hurting is yourself. Do you think by blaming them for another couple of years that finally they’ll come on their knees and say, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I hurt you.” No amount of forgiveness. No amount will ever make you feel healed. That is the truth. You can blame them till the day you die, and nothing will have changed because the healing that you’re wanting and you require is within yourself.
RAGAN: Take responsibility today and set yourself free. Take a deep breath. Once more. Excellent. All right, so let’s now move into a closing prayer together. Thanks for joining me today. Hope this was helpful. This prayer will close out our time together as well as also help you do a little clearing work around the blaming in your life. Okay? Thank you so much. Moving into prayer.
RAGAN: So I thank you. I thank you. I thank you so very much mother, father, God, goddess. I am so very grateful for this time right now, in this moment right now, this space in this place right now here in the present moment where I know in this moment, where I am, and where everyone else is, who’s listening, God is, which means everything we seek, everything we desire, it is already within us, within our soul self. All the love, all the joy, all the beauty, all bliss, all the faith, all the compassion, all the gratitude, everything, it is all there. There is no lack. There is no limitation.
RAGAN: It is true that one of the ways that I can see that at times I’ve stopped myself from truly living is by blaming, by me pointing fingers at myself or others and saying, “You’re wrong. I’m wrong.” Completely stopping the flow of life, stopping that relationship with myself or others from being set free to be whatever it’s going to be, because the truth is we’re all doing the best we can. Sometimes we make choices that create waves that are uncomfortable. Sometimes people around us do the same thing. They blame, they judge, they shame. Well, that’s their story because I’m setting myself free today. I’m stopping the blame game.
RAGAN: I’m taking full responsibility for the pain that I have inside myself. If there is any activated energy or negative energy right now that I feel rising up right now, I choose to hold my heart and I want us all to do that. Place your hands over your heart and say to myself, “I’m here with you” and state your name. “I’m here with you Ragan. I feel you. I see you. I’m right here with you. Whatever you feel, I’ll be here with you.” So the relationship with myself is primary. It’s not this relationship with so many other people, mother, father, God, goddess, I get it like I love people. I don’t want to live on my own island.
RAGAN: I know the most important relationship is with me, and stop pointing fingers at others like they’re going to fix me. They’re going to change me. If they just acted differently, if they just acted more kind, if they just said, please, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Then finally I’ll be liberated. It doesn’t work like that. No one has the power to hurt me. I choose to feel hurt when their hurt comes to me. Hurt people try to hurt people. I don’t have to feel hurt when they feel hurt. I get to deal with my own hurt now, take care of myself, love myself, be there for myself. I get to do that now.
RAGAN: Take a deep breath. Mother, father, God, goddess, I am grateful for these words. Thank you for this assistance in this clearing. I am so grateful and with these words I say, and so it is. Take a deep breath. Thank you so much for joining me today on this audio. Learning how to stop the blame game. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and blessings. Talk to you soon. Okay, bye-bye.